How to Ask Someone if They Are Willing to Be Your Health Care Proxy

Appointing a Health Care Proxy is one of the most critical steps in planning your future. Your Health Care Proxy is the person who will step in and make health care decisions for you when you are unable to do so yourself.  For many seniors, especially those aging alone, known as “Solo Agers”, asking someone to take on this responsibility can be an awkward conversation and challenging.  Being realistic about who you can expect to serve in this role is important.  It can involve a considerable commitment.    

Here are some key considerations when asking someone to be your Health Care Proxy:

1. Start by Explaining What the Role Entails

Being a Health Care Proxy is a significant responsibility.  It is focused on medical decision-making. Explain to your potential proxy that this role only comes into effect when you cannot make decisions yourself.  Ensure they understand that this position may involve making critical healthcare decisions, especially end-of-life decisions.  It could also include choices about where you live, like whether can return home after a hospital stay or need to move to a care facility.

2. Share Your Health Care Wishes Clearly

It’s important to provide guidance to your proxy about your personal healthcare wishes. This is where end-of-life care preferences come into play. Some people prefer aggressive measures to prolong life, such as the use of ventilators or feeding tubes, while others may choose to be kept comfortable without life-prolonging intervention.

Consider writing a letter or creating an advanced directive outlining your wishes. You might discuss your preferences in situations like:

• If you're at the end of your life, do you wish to be kept comfortable, or do you want all possible measures taken to prolong life?

• How do you feel about artificial life support or feeding tubes?

By sharing these details, you can ensure that your proxy knows exactly what you want and can advocate for you in accordance with those values.

3. Discuss the Broader Role of the Health Care Proxy

While the Health Care Proxy is focused on medical decisions, sometimes it overlaps with other life decisions. For example, if you experience a stroke and can only return home with care, your Health Care Proxy may need to work with your Power of Attorney to make decisions about whether you can afford home care or whether an assisted living or nursing home is more realistic.

A Health Care Proxy is considered a fiduciary, meaning they are legally obligated to act in your best interest when making decisions. To ensure they are prepared, it's helpful to provide information to your health care proxy about:

• Where you would like to receive care: Do you prefer to return home, even with 24 hour care if needed (if you can afford it), are there specific facilities you’re interested in (e.g., certain assisted living centers or nursing homes)?

• Places you wish to avoid: Are there any specific facilities or care environments that you do not want to be admitted to?

4. Choose Someone Who Will Show Up

When selecting a Health Care Proxy, consider someone who you trust to physically show up when needed. This could mean visiting you in the hospital, speaking with doctors, and being present to make decisions in your best interest. A proxy who lives nearby or is willing to travel to be with you in emergencies is ideal.

You should also consider age. If you appoint someone around the same age or older than you, they may not be able to help if and when you need them. 

5. Give Them Time to Decide

After explaining the role and your wishes, give the person time to think it over. This is a significant commitment, and you want to ensure they feel comfortable and confident in taking on the responsibility. Reassure them that it's okay to decline if they do not feel ready.  It is better for them to say no, rather than to accept and then be unable to do it. 

If they accept the role but later decide they are not interested or able to continue, it will put you in a difficult position. Unless you have a successor Health Care Proxy named in your legal documents, the court will likely appoint a guardian for you. This guardian could be a stranger.   Additionally, a court-appointed guardian will be paid from your assets, and you will also be responsible for guardianship fees and costs, which can be quite expensive.

6. Appoint Successors

If you don’t have anyone to rely upon or you are not sure if the people you want to appoint, will be there when you need, them, consider appointing a professional as either the first named Health Care Proxy or as a backup.  Finding professionals willing to serve in this role can be very challenging, visit www.soloallies.com for a directory of professionals that may be available near you.

Choosing a Health Care Proxy is a major part of planning for your future to ensure your wishes will be honored, even if you cannot communicate.  By clearly explaining the role, sharing your healthcare wishes, and choosing someone you trust to advocate for you, you can ensure that your healthcare decisions will always be made with your best interests in mind.

If you live in Massachusetts and want to ensure your estate plan accomplishes your goals, please contact us by calling our office at 617-489-5900 or schedule a brief consultation by clicking on the button below:

Schedule a Consultation

Senior Solutions, Attorneys at Law, is an Estate Planning and Elder Law firm, serving the Greater Boston, Massachusetts area, since 2001. We are ready to help you with Medicaid Planning, Estate Planning, Probate, Guardianship & Conservatorships, Special Needs Trusts, and Fiduciary Services.