You Finished Your Estate Plan - Now What Should You Share (and With Whom)?

When Sharing Too Much Backfires: A True Story

One day, a woman came into our office with her long-time boyfriend and only son. She wanted to include the two people she loved most in the estate planning process. Her goal was simple: divide everything equally between them. To be transparent, she explained her intentions to both individuals and let her son know he had been named Power of Attorney.

Unfortunately, that decision came back to haunt her.

When the woman became seriously ill, her son used the Power of Attorney to move all the assets into an account that excluded the boyfriend entirely. Armed with too much information and too much authority, the son acted to change the plan and cut him out.

After her death, the case turned into an expensive and emotionally charged legal battle, which the boyfriend eventually one.

The Lesson: Be Strategic About What You Share

Creating an estate plan is only part of the process. The next critical step is communicating it, but doing so wisely.

Here is what to share, what not to share, and who truly needs to know.

Who You Must Talk To

Some individuals need to know they have been chosen for a specific role—because they will be making decisions on your behalf.

🔹 Health Care Proxy

This person will make medical decisions if you become unable to do so. They need to:

• Understand your wishes for treatment and end-of-life care.

• Be willing to act.

• Know where to find your documents.

  
  

🔹 Power of Attorney (POA)

Your POA handles your finances if you become incapacitated. This individual must:

• Be trustworthy and capable.

• Know what their duties are.

• Be prepared to step in when needed.

  
  

🔹 Executor or Personal Representative

This person manages your estate after death. They should:

• Be dependable and organized.

• Understand that this job involves probate, paperwork, and family communication.

• Be emotionally and practically ready.

Make sure each person understands their role and is comfortable accepting it. These are not ceremonial positions—they require real work and carry legal responsibility.

What You Should Share

• Let those in charge know that you have created and updated your estate plan. 

• Tell the people you have appointed—your Health Care Proxy, POA, Executor, or Trustee—what role they will play and what is expected of them.

• Explain where your documents are stored.

That is all you are required to share.

You are not obligated to explain your choices to others—or to disclose who was not chosen. Even though these roles are often burdensome, family members may view them as a sign of favoritism. Sharing this information can stir up unnecessary hurt feelings or resentment.

What You Do Not Need to Share

You do not need to:

• Disclose how your assets are being divided.

• Justify your decisions.

• Invite input or negotiation.

If certain details—such as who is inheriting what—might cause conflict, it is appropriate to keep them private. Focus instead on preparing those who need to act, not on pleasing those who may judge.

When to Involve a Professional

If you do not have someone in your life whom you trust to act in your best interests—or if you are concerned about conflict - a professional fiduciary may be the best option.

They bring:

• Experience handling complex estates.

• Neutrality during emotionally charged situations.

• Legal accountability to follow your wishes.

In the case of the man mentioned earlier, a professional fiduciary could have protected his plan from being undermined.

Final Thoughts

An estate plan is not just about documents—it is about ensuring your intentions are respected and carried out.

• Share your plan selectively.

• Be thoughtful about who you trust with critical roles.

• And if you have concerns, seek professional help to secure your legacy.

At Senior Solutions, we do more than draft estate plans, we help protect them. If you need guidance on how to communicate your plan or choose the right individuals for key roles, we are here to assist you.

Senior Solutions, Attorneys at Law, is an Estate Planning and Elder Law firm serving the Greater Boston, Massachusetts area since 2001. We are ready to help you with Medicaid Planning, Estate Planning, Probate, Guardianship & Conservatorships, Special Needs Trusts, and Fiduciary Services. We are here to help. Please call our office at 617-489-5900 or schedule a brief consultation (offered to new clients) by clicking the button below:

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